First Post

Ahoy!

So look, I've been having issues with my hair. I don't even know what to do with it, and I kind of just want to cut it all off, because I'm starting to look like late-'90s Stephen Baldwin, the ugliest Baldwin, who also happens to be pigeon-toed, which I hate. Did you know he became a born-again Christian? He has a website.

And speaking of celebrities, the Cafe Which Must Not Be Named (seriously, I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement) where I work is a magnet for them. In the two short weeks I've been there I've seen:

1. An Olsen, I think Mary Kate. She comes in wearing these men's button-down shirts that look like they came from the Big and Tall store, and ridiculously high strappy heels in which she insists on bending her ankles at 90 degree ankles (this grosses me out). She orders her soy latte and leans all over the beverage case and is all up in my way when I am trying to reach the Diet Cokes (which is the only beverage we sell that contains high fructose corn syrup because apparently in L.A., if you don't sell Diet Coke, customers will boycott). Remember when they sat at Cosi and ate one marshmallow and got served liquor even thought they were underage and basically ruined the whole night? I still kind of hate them for that. 

2. Elijah Wood. It was my 3rd day of training and I was annoyed to have to be following another server because the place isn't that big and I felt like I was in everyone's way. I heard a high, intensely nerdy-sounding "excuse me" from behind me and when I turned around, there he was. He is about the size of a swizzle stick. I don't know if he's a good tipper, but I would hope so, because I know he's got that hobbit money.

3. Giovanni Ribisi, star of one of my favorite retard movies of all time. Known Scientologist. He's a regular and wears cute hats. 

What else. . .

The Great Los Angeles Job Hunt continues, as I am only working at The Cafe two days a week. It's better than nothing, but it's not nearly enough scratch to pay the bills and also allow me to buy things, which, as you know, is something that I like to do. I had an interview yesterday for a coffee shop manager position, and I feel really good about how it went. I managed to make my answers to his questions like "what do you think is your best quality?" sound genuine, because they were, because I really liked the place (not like when I interviewed at The Cafe and they asked me bullshitty things like "tell me about a time you had a conflict with another employee and how you resolved it" and I didn't have the slightest idea what to say because the only intra-employee conflict that came to mind was the time that I felt that Bacon had slighted me and I "resolved" it by not speaking to him for months on end until he quit, and I couldn't very well tell that story so I just made up a total lie and then answered all the rest of the questions they asked my with more lies, punctuated by nervous giggling) and I'd really like to work there. The owner, a guy  not much older than myself, seemed enthusiastic and his exact words were "I have some other interviews this week but I really want to get back to you," which to me sounds like, "it would be unprofessional to hire you now because I haven't seen everyone, but you've pretty much got it in the bag." I don't want to get my hopes up, but 5 days a week from 7-2 in a position of power sounds pretty good to me. I'm hoping he calls tonight, because if he doesn't, I am going to feel obligated to attend the interview I have tomorrow at The Cheesecake Factory.

That's right, The Cheesecake Factory. It's like Cosi 2.0. Probably with better tips, but still, I think they wear ties. And white pants. Eew.

Puerco